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Modern Slave

A hilarious, George Carlin-inspired BDSM rap, by Slave K in Dublin:

 

I’m an old fashioned man new on the scene
A doormat ‘You’re welcome, here’s the spare key’
I’ve been blackmailed by stamped mail
Which dovetailed with a pony tail
Can’t find golden showers in the Golden Pages
And M&S is not what I thought it was
Between me and YouTube I don’t surf the World Wide Webcam
Never heard of Tinder or Tumbler or Grinder or Grumbler
In a phone booth a number
Scratched on the wall
Ain’t got no one else to call
I said hello Madame I’m a slave to the night
She said I’m semi-retired and full of demands
Footstool, footsteps, footwork, footrests
High heels or the high way
No ifs and butt plugs
Collared and masked, no questions asked
Geeks and freaks
If you suck you’re in luck
Her slaps are ferocious
She’s super sadomasochist expialidocious
Different strokes for different folks
Spooky spreaders, medieval yokes
Hot wax, cold shoulder
Panic snap, plastic wrap
She crossed the boss and left an old flame on her x-frame
Her boy toy is forced bi
And there’s a straitjacket in the closet
I’m a pushy sub with a fleshy bottom
Privately owned and publicly exposed
I asphyxiate while I masturbate
I read the Racing Post from the whipping post
I like long walks on the beach but to be kept on a short leash
I play handball, netball, kickball, stickball, softball but no hardsports
I felt alive but the line went dead
I should broadband my horizons
Join a server instead
I’m a modern man!
With a brand spanking new Instadom on Instagram
I moved my playspace into cyberspace
My pen pal onto PayPal
And now I’m on iCloud 9
I get dissed by a Swiss Miss
I chit chat with a Brit Brat
And a princess from Nigeria with a lucrative business proposal
I tie myself up and dust myself down
A self-made sissy maid – no frills
A rare type of Skype
A prime example to follow and trample
I’ll backtrack on a contract
Save face with a safe word
And duct tape a Mars bar betwixt my legs
Add to basket, take away control
A happy go lucky puppy
On my knees to please
Cock locked and ready to rock
All aboard castration station
But I’m finished with Findom
Well…one more donation